So in this bridge he’s promising to light up candles, maybe in a circle? Or only if there are candles present it’s not clear. Nothing can be sweeter than the sound of making love He will take her out on a night cruise on a yacht. He literally says one thing he’ll do that maybe her man won’t do. I’ll take you out on a night cruise on a yacht Maybe we get more to the good stuff in verse 2. Telling people you’ll do all the things without telling them what all the things gets real close to selling wolf tickets. So far we have a whole verse, bridge and hook and one example really. Hook:Īll of the things your man won’t do (Every little thing)Īll of (All of) the things your man won’t do (Every little thing) I don’t know if Joe and her man are friends or if he has any idea what his pockets look like, but maybe her man’s pockets aren’t the problem, maybe he’s gotten lazy and only sticks to the rivers and the lakes (and beaches) that he’s used to. And by this thing, I mean to get some of the sex, which he’s kind of assuming her man won’t do. Maybe Joe is right he’s willing to travel a long way to see this thing through. The pearl thing is cute, but we’re talking Iceland and Polynesia for those beaches. Now, according to this article, you do have to go to some exotic places to find jet-black sand beaches to make love on all night in the rain. He’s willing to put a string of pearls in her hand and then, presumably, make love on a beach of jet-black sand in the rain for a really long time, where he will touch her all over. So let’s see if Joe is willing to do all the things here. I’d put a string of pearls right in your handĪnd some you never knew would get you hotĪight, now we’re cooking. You shine like a diamond, and if I had to place a value on you, you’d be worth a the kind of treasure you’d find maybe not in National Treasure but in, say, Goonies, but not in the transactional, prostitutey way. Pretty standard issue ’90s buttering up here: your man sucks-I don’t though. Real talk, it just sounds like Joe wants to smash. There is one line about making this spoken-for-women his, but that could easily be just for the night. For one, purporting to do all the things her man won’t do is problematic, not because she has a man already-that is problematic, too-but chiefly because he’s claiming he’ll do all the things but it doesn’t sound like he wants to do those things, ya know, permanently. But upon my latest random listen of the song, I got to thinking about the lyrics compared to what it promises to be via the title, and I have to say, I feel like Joe was just saying anything. I love this song with my whole heart just like everybody who heard it during its heyday. Taking his cues from such pantheon level cash shit jams like “Ready or Not” by After 7 and Keith Sweat’s entire body of work, Joe dropped a jam of jamtastic proportion with “All The Things.” Hell, it even faded into the song, which wasn’t really happening back then, to let you know it was about to be…something. It featured jams like “Good Girls,” “Don’t Wanna Be a Player,” (which also featured on 1997’s Booty Call soundtrack), “The Love Scene,” and the topic of today’s exploration, “All The Things (Your Man Won’t Do.”
His 1997 sophomore album, All That I Am, is a classic and you can argue with your mother about it if you disagree. The ’90s was an era where R&B was still alive and well and Joe Thomas, better known as Joe, was one of those cats who made good, solid R&B music.
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![joe all the things your man won joe all the things your man won](https://fatman.ocnk.net/data/fatman/product/20210924_52603f.jpg)
Which brings us to the latest ’90s jam that has me spending too much time thinking about how much cash shit ’90s R&B singers talked. The world isn’t made better by this practice, nor does this bring me a step closer to lottery-sized millions, but you know what, if you’re bored on a Wednesday it really moves the clock. One of my favorite pastimes is revisiting songs from my youth (and particularly from the ’90s) and thinking about them critically. Screenshot: Joe ‘If I Was Your Man’ (Jive)